Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
