I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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