You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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