That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
