Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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