you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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