just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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