I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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