He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
