Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
