I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am puke
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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