How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
