I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
