i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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