I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
