you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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