how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
