wat bout pragnant strippers??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
