you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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