Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There r osticjed everywhere
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
