Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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