Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
