I'm so fucking centered right now
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
