just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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