I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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