ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Michael Bay diarrhea
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
