Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
