Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
