She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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