he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am naked and annoyed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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