I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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