I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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