That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
