U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i love accidental penises.
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That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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