She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
