I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
