never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
