all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
