this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize