If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
