I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
