She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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