Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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