Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
