I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
