if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
