Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
