hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize