Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
