I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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