she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
