I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
