new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize