I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
