Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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