Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
