My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
