one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
