shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Randomize
