Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
